Public Poop

I don’t think anyone has had more poop dreams than I have.

About 20 years ago, I remember someone saying “when you have poop dreams, it means you’re coming into money.” (I remember it being that long ago because home computers – i.e. searching the internet for why I’m having pooping dreams – was not a thing.)

I don’t think I ever came into money. Unless you count the times I said things like “Oh, yea, a friend bought me lunch.” Or “I got a discount on that pair of socks.”

I’m kicking myself for not journaling detailed notes about the dream, and my days before and after.

I didn’t because I thought they had only to do with the fact that I hated getting up in the middle of the night to pee, and because I had to go so urgently, my mind was trying to figure out a solution. Of course the solution never came, thank God!

What happened was I had to pee so bad, but whenever I found a bathroom there was usually a floor full of overflowing toilets that I would have to tiptoe around, and when I finally made it to a stall, the seat was so high up I’d have to climb to sit on it, which meant I couldn’t hover over it, which was the only option because it was covered in shit.

Whenever I woke up, I was always thankful for these dilemmas because maybe it kept me for wetting my bed.

These dreams happened all the time.

Whenever I’d make it to a clean toilet, there was always an audience. I remember having discussions with people while sitting there with my skirt coving my privates hoping they weren’t bothered by what I was doing.

Or I’d finally find the restroom only to discover it is completely surrounded by windows, so everyone can see me. I’d be at parties, or in restaurants surrounded by strangers and friends alike, doing my business, which was often an endless flows of urine.

Mind you, there was never an attitude of “this is ok. It’s just the way things are” like dreams can be. I’ve had way more bazaar dreams than this, and I never felt like it was something odd until I woke up. No, every time I’d have to go in front of someone it was horrifying! Embarrassing! I hated it!

Then, it evolved to actually pooping in people’s presence. No, really! You should not shut out this blog, because it gets even more interesting!

There would be shit everywhere! On me. On the toilet. On my clothes. On the floor. I’ve had dreams walking across the room with large pieces falling out of my pants, which I would bend over and pick up with my hands.

And finally, last night –the impetus for finally writing about this – I had someone helping me with the very difficult and unending task of trying to clean crap off myself.

This is the evolution of my poop dreams.

Why do I tell you this? Well, first it’s kind of funny! Second, I’ve been dying to write about my poop dreams. And Third, because I guess I’m sincerely trying to find answers.

A search on the internet gives all kinds of interpretations. Everything from coming into money to showing off my wealth. The latest one -the one I’m paying attention to- said I’m letting go of shit. It represents stuff that’s inside me that should not be there. Thoughts and feelings that need expelling. It said I should pay attention to where I am in the dream. Am I with my family? at work? with strangers? This indicates where I am defecating or with whom I need to defecate.

Since I think I’m exclusively with strangers, that’s reason number 4 for why I’m writing this. And writing at all: to get real. To be real. To authentically and openly share things many of us just don’t say, but want to find reason, or be cured of.

Maybe you don’t want to read about crap covering my skin, but you might want to read about giving yourself grace, or self-discipline, or how we are not alone in our feelings.

Many of us need encouragement to get rid of shit we don’t need. Many of us have pent up resentment and anger that really, REALLY needs to be dealt with. My blog from yesterday (it’s worth a read, and only about 75 words, was an epiphany! Way more meaningful than anything I’ve ever written. It’s the start of a brave new life for me.

Join me in self-discovery, but more than that, others’-discovery. We are not alone!