Underachieving Overachiever

I don’t think there is another more underachieving overachiever as I am anywhere on the planet. You know how they say it’s sometimes better to cut your losses because a win is looking pretty grim? Well, today is another one of those days when I’m asking if it’s that time.

Today is one of those days when I’m asking if I should resign my creativity, grieve the loss, and hope for selling cars for a living.

Today is one of those days when I wish I had the guts to burn everything I’ve ever created, so tomorrow I could believe “It’s better to have loved and lost, then to never have loved at all.” Today is one of those days I wish I had a Neuralyzer, so tomorrow and forevermore I could wake up not thinking about my ambitions.

I’m the only person I know who feels like she’s always moving, but never getting anywhere. I’ve heard every motivational talk ever given from the time motivational talks ever started, and they always tell me that it’s the people who persevere who come out on top. But maybe I need the motivational talk that says, “Andrea, it’s time to raise the white flag. You are never going to succeed at your dreams. Give up and live your life.”

I’ve always had trust issues with God. But this year I chose Trust as my word for 2020 because I just didn’t want to be on the fence anymore. So, do I trust Him to keep going, or do I trust Him to let it go. My gifts, talents, skills, experiences, passions are all a gift from Him (for which I have been genuinely grateful) so I’ve been moving on the belief He’ll let me use them. But maybe I’m not a person who’s supposed to use gifts, talents, skills, experiences and passions. I’m just being real.

Today I’m feeling pain from a life of bad decisions, from rejection, from failure. I wonder if I’m not alone.